This quote by Robert Brault a free lance writer, really hit me. As I truly have been through hell these last few years. I have lost so many close loved ones, it seems surreal to me at times. Like-are you serious!!!!
Most recent, I lost my Uncle Bob on New Year's Day, 2012. He is my mother's brother. She had 4 brothers and that side of my family always remained close. All my cousins grew up going to my grandmother's house on Sunday's, or every Christmas day, or every Easter day. Playing on the stairwell, as we weren't allowed in the living room with the men watching sporting games, nor in the kitchen as the women cooked, nor up it the bedrooms. So that left the stairwell or outside. There were plenty of cousins to go around, all in different age ranges, so we always had somebody our own age to play with. I've lost three Uncles now on my mother's side, and my mother is now left with her youngest brother-my Uncle Tom.
Since 2009, it just doesn't seem to stop. I know it's all a part of life, losing loved ones, but at times, I just feel like it would be nice to have a break from the constant heart break-the seemingly pro status I have attained at attending funerals of loved ones.
However, had I not gone through all that I have these last few years, I would not have decided to "Race for a Cause". I would not have found my "aggressiveness" in order to get my mare to her top potential. As racing for myself, I just didn't have enough. Riding for others, has given me a shot in the ass as they say, and I've been riding harder, getting us into that first divison--Something I've dreamt about for a long long time. (about 30 years to be exact). So, when I decided to help others, in turn it has helped me with the sport I love so much and have worked so hard at all these years to get to the level I have gotten to in 2011.
Tonight, as I left the funeral home, I sorta felt like I could just stay "down" in the dirt for a while. As it seems that is where I keep getting knocked back into..so perhaps I stay, instead of brushing off, and picking myself back up. However, a call from a friend, Chelsea, and her news of all that is coming about for Amy, the little girl I'm taking to the rodeo in a week,-- made me regain focus quickly. I am getting back UP, I'm brushing myself back OFF, and I will be more aggressive than ever in doing all that I had planned for 2012-my riding, my raising funds for the charities, my attempt to meet families who are fighting that same fight that my own family members have fought and reaching out to them. In fact, they are reaching out to me and probably don't even know it. It's amazing how your own kids can keep you moving forward with alot of things in life when you feel like quiting. I have kids that I've never even met yet, doing the same thing!
I'm not sure if all this is my "life's purpose", but certainly shedding the tears these last few years has made me regain focus, and realize what truly is important in life.
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